Hoarder Chronicles continued. . .
Slowly, I mean, s l o w l y, I am working on my hoarding. I'm trying so hard to not buy anything. I'm planning an anniversary party in October so I'm buying items for that event. All I've volunteered for is a candy table and decorations. Hopefully, that won't break my bank. I've purchased a few items, vases, candles, a few things in the color scheme. I've boxed them and put them in the corner of the living room.
Today, I washed clothes. I change my sheets bi-weekly and change towels weekly. I shower daily. I clean up after my kitties. I only have three.
I have to remind myself of these things when I start feeling down and begin comparing myself to other hoarders. That keeps me going. Its not a kind thing to do because regardless, they, I, we are sick mentally. Anyone that allows his/her house to be in a state of repair. . . anyone that ALLOWS his or her house to be in such a condition that one can't have company. Not just out of embarrassment but because there is no where for anyone to sit. So really, I'm no better than any of them.
Further, there are no dead animals to be found nor feces anywhere but where it belongs. There is a lot of cat hair and dust. I don't know how I breathe daily with sinus & asthma problems.
There are, however, boxes of . . . stuff. . . what? I don't know. Its been so long. I sit and go through them. Trying to see if there is anything of value. Throwing out so much that just is there. When I look at the dates of some of the receipts. . . ridiculous. I wonder, "how did it get this bad?"
I could give many excuses but I know that losing my mom, being stressed out about cancer, trying to learn professionalism in order to maintain a job, being in and out of faulty "relationships," all of these things maybe on their own are not that big of a deal. But all of them at the same time without the necessary emotional mechanisms with which to cope, made it almost impossible to confront them successfully.
Now that I know this, I realize that it took time to get this far along and it'll take some time to come out of this hole I've dug. I am confident, nonetheless, that I will conquer the glut of junk in my house, as well as getting physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. I no longer say "again" after that latter list. I say, healthy period, because I honestly don't believe I've ever been truly healthy in those ways.
Personally, I don't think I can be blessed by God as long as my house looks like it does. "Cleanliness is next to godliness," right? Regardless of whether or not I'll ever have another relationship, I just know if I have a better looking house, maybe it'll make me feel better. Maybe it'll help me emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. I don't know but maybe it'll help the depression. I just know I can't give up. Like losing weight or quitting smoking, I know I have to keep going.
Today, I washed clothes. I change my sheets bi-weekly and change towels weekly. I shower daily. I clean up after my kitties. I only have three.
I have to remind myself of these things when I start feeling down and begin comparing myself to other hoarders. That keeps me going. Its not a kind thing to do because regardless, they, I, we are sick mentally. Anyone that allows his/her house to be in a state of repair. . . anyone that ALLOWS his or her house to be in such a condition that one can't have company. Not just out of embarrassment but because there is no where for anyone to sit. So really, I'm no better than any of them.
Further, there are no dead animals to be found nor feces anywhere but where it belongs. There is a lot of cat hair and dust. I don't know how I breathe daily with sinus & asthma problems.
There are, however, boxes of . . . stuff. . . what? I don't know. Its been so long. I sit and go through them. Trying to see if there is anything of value. Throwing out so much that just is there. When I look at the dates of some of the receipts. . . ridiculous. I wonder, "how did it get this bad?"
I could give many excuses but I know that losing my mom, being stressed out about cancer, trying to learn professionalism in order to maintain a job, being in and out of faulty "relationships," all of these things maybe on their own are not that big of a deal. But all of them at the same time without the necessary emotional mechanisms with which to cope, made it almost impossible to confront them successfully.
Now that I know this, I realize that it took time to get this far along and it'll take some time to come out of this hole I've dug. I am confident, nonetheless, that I will conquer the glut of junk in my house, as well as getting physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. I no longer say "again" after that latter list. I say, healthy period, because I honestly don't believe I've ever been truly healthy in those ways.
Personally, I don't think I can be blessed by God as long as my house looks like it does. "Cleanliness is next to godliness," right? Regardless of whether or not I'll ever have another relationship, I just know if I have a better looking house, maybe it'll make me feel better. Maybe it'll help me emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. I don't know but maybe it'll help the depression. I just know I can't give up. Like losing weight or quitting smoking, I know I have to keep going.
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