One More Second Opinion

Apparently, I have a tumor that according to the latest doctor's report, has embedded it's "lip" into my right kidney.

Every doctor that I have been to has asked me the exact same question. "What brings you here? How did you discover this?" 

Same answer: In August 2019,  one weekend found me having sharp pains in my back. Idiot that I am, I thought the pain came from my fibroids. I did not know because they have become so large. I just figured I'm always in pain anyway, I generally attribute everything to either one of three things: my bad hip, being overweight or the fibroids. I called my sister's friend in Hawaii. She's a nurse and she said I should follow up with a doctor. The pain made me want to go to emergency initially but it eventually subsided. I figured it was just a fluke. Then, a couple days later, a repeat. This time, I made up my mind to go to my gynecologist. 

I had been avoiding her because according to her, my only options were a hysterectomy or a fibroid embolization. I had the latter done with the hope that the fibroids, no longer having a blood supply, would eventually shrink down and almost if not some just go away. It did not happen. As a matter of fact what did occur is a 90% decrease in pain and heavier  blood flows. Then, menopause kicked in and the blood loss stopped but the fibroids found new ways to get blood and continue to grow. No one told me that either. 

Just because I was never able to have children, not due to a lack or trying or desire, just could not find a decent donor, does not mean I want you using me like a pumpkin at Halloween. Just scooping out all of my guts. I believe we are made a certain way to hold all of the organs in place. If we start getting things cut on or cut away, we are leaving openings that do not need to be there. Stuff's gonna start flopping and rolling around loose!!! I am being facetious but seriously, I despise the thought of losing what makes me . . me. I need my organs. 

It is sad but true that I have lived my life, always being in pain. Due to this acceptance, I have taken a load of pain pills. Prior to the opioid problem, doctors were quick to pass out everything: Vicodin, fen fen, you name it. Then, poor little while folks started killing themselves and then the government stepped in to save them! Meanwhile, I consider myself a triage patient wherein I patch myself up and go back to work. Who had time to actually be addicted to something that might make me miss work? I took just enough to get through 5-7 days of intense pain, and they I was great the rest of the month. I believe they call it, "take as needed."

My OB/GYN, who would really like me to just go ahead and get a hysterectomy to get rid of what are obviously still growing fibroids AFTER menopause, sent me for an ultrasound and a CT scan. They both came back and she said, "Yes, your fibroids are growing but you have something on your kidney." She then sent me to a urologist. This urologist was having a loud, pre-covid  discussion with a medical technician, on how he feels 45 just gets a bad shake, just prior to entering my room. Distracted, he enters, "yeah, honey, you have kidney cancer and I will have to take that kidney."  

Hearing that made me immediately think, "this guy is an idiot and I KNOW I want a second opinion." Another doctor, "Yes, I agree, I also believe he's an idiot. But back to your kidney."

Thus far, I have been to three urologists. I do not have "kidney disease." But I do have renal carcinoma. . . . at least they think I do. Even though there have been CT scans and ultra sounds, the doctors were unable to do the biopsy I requested. "Too many organs in the way." In addition to wasting my entire day, exposing me to the plague and charging me for incomplete work, they were unable to do the biopsy so there is no definitive answer. "We can tell how it looks, that it looks like cancer." "Could it be benign? Possibly. But it doesn't look that way." If only Superman were here and could x-ray view my body. Tell me everything. Maybe not everything because I wouldn't have any organs left worth saving after his x-ray vision reveals I'm a rotten apple core. 

"Our best course is the total removal of the kidney." I have now heard this in some form three times now. "The remaining kidney grows 30% larger" and it takes on the role as a leader. Uhn huh. "You have another healthy kidney and can live a normal healthy life." Right. "Body parts and tissue have a way of filling in when something is removed." Ok. 

Why didn't any doctor tell me that if I did not regulate my blood pressure, I would be ruining my organs? They mentioned loss of blood leading to blood transfusions and heart failure but I never recall any direct correlation between high blood pressure and kidney cancer. Or, for that matter, any other type of cancer.

I can't blame my doctors. Some are good at their jobs and some are just oblivious. They are all imperfect humans just like I am. Surprisingly enough, they are NOT gods. 

So now, I have one more, no two more doctors to meet with. One to discuss removing the fibroids as they may block an entry point for the kidneys and the last urology clinic. The latter of which will say, "we just can't remove the tumor alone because there is no way to seal up the kidney. Apparently, they have to dig deep into the kidney so less than half (?) would remain. Urine could be squirting loose all over my body? Blood vessels leaking and bouncing around? I don't know. They can remove Siamese twins but can't get a tumor out of my body. 

I am in limbo. Meanwhile, I am no where near finished with my house but now the impetus is on trying to at least have the first floor presentable. That way, if I croak, my sister won't completely pass out, "I can't believe she lived this way. .. ".. . That blog is for another day because my back hurts.