Hoarder Chronicles Part I

I have recently started watching some of the British hoarding shows. Certainly not in the hopes of making myself feel better about the problem from which others suffer but rather, I'm searching for reasons why such practices exist.

A few years ago, my sister called me a "hoarder." She said that based on how I live and how my house looked, "you're a hoarder. " At the time, I was estranged from her and her family, with very limited contact. When she said this, I was more angry than hurt. I told my father and he, wanting to show empathy, explained that, "you know how she is," and "don't let her upset you." That really was not the point. She was not offering any help. She was name calling. I now realize that she too suffered from hoarding but a "cleaner" form of it that I'll discuss in later blogs. Further, what I have discovered about her is she lacks empathy.

At the time, I was not familiar with what the term "hoarder" meant. I knew it was negative and it made me think of people with stacks of used newspapers that went to the ceiling of their homes. I did not know that there are even varying degrees  of the illness with a variety of reasons why a person would fit into these categories.

Furthermore, what I have found is that the majority of the people, who suffer from it, have had some traumatic event or events in their lives that have slowly pushed them into this harmful sickness. I consider it a sickness because I do believe it is possible to treat it but as with obesity or drug/alcohol abuse, once it has become an aspect of a person's life, it will be an ongoing battle until one's final breath.

My trauma stems from the sudden loss of my mother. I was unaware of her health problems. Some due to her hiding things. Others due to me being so self involved that I did not take the time to find out what was going on.

Prior to my mother's death, she had had her own trauma with the sudden loss of her father as a child, the loss of her mother as a teenager, and as an adult, a critical & unfaithful mate & two rebellious teenagers. All of that was coupled with high blood pressure and the battle to lose weight. So in other words, cleaning and not collecting just were not her priorities.

There were times when our house was clean just like when she had successfully lost weight. However, after the marriage came full stop, her efforts in the house faltered. The house became junky. Dishes were washed but we started collecting things. Things that were no good and should have been given to the junkman, began to fill both the attic and basement. Our three bedroom bungalow became no match for our lives. We started to fill boxes in the basement. The boxes became plastic bins because our basement flooded quite regularly.

On one flooding occasion, my sister, who would make the future hoarder comment, came and helped. In her opinion, helping us clean was a one time deal and we should be able to keep things clean from that point forward. Yet, in both therapy and these hoarder tv programs, I have discovered that there are no "one time" types of anecdotes. It's a lifelong battle to suppress the desire to give in to a junk lifestyle.

Fast forward to the present. If I were to enumerate how I believe myself to be a half hoarder/half junk collector, I would write:

• There are rooms that are not being used to capacity if at all due to the amount of stuff that is in them.

•In order to walk around the room, there are narrow pathways, that often have me almost falling trying to walk them.

•I have not had company, even family in years. There is nowhere for them to sit.

•I am unable to have workmen come to the house because I Do Not want to hear their comments, as well as, they can't move in the house either. (The Internet cable guy came last year. I actually called and thanked him because he was the first male who did not make comments about my house!)

•I recognize what I need to do but honestly struggle with where and how to start.

•Many of the boxes have not been opened in years. Their contents are unknown or no longer hold discernable value.

Another thing I notice about these people and myself, the outside of their home is often neat. It's a façade, of course. The outside of my house looks ok but not great. But it's nothing compared to the valley of stuff inside.

Additionally, I am very neat at work. I hate disorder at work and I fight to keep up the appearance that I am tidy and organized. It generally works with people constantly giving me complements about being neat, well organized, on time with deadlines, etc. But baby, it's a whole 'nother ballgame at. MY house!

I often wonder, because I haven't seen it yet, if these people who are fellow hoarders have insect infestations. As sloppy as I am, I draw the line at bugs. I have noticed that black Carpenter ants have begun walking around the house. I have killed at least four. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, bugs are the stimuli that will make me move to clean.

So, yesterday, I started on my kitchen table. I have several dollar store trays (because hoarders buy a lot of new stuff for the purpose of "getting organized") that are going to be used for coupons, receipts, paid bills, unpaid bills, recipes, etc. Its small but its a start because I need to get the table clean so I can spray for ants behind it.

I am going to write about this all summer. My goal is to make progress and keep my blog updated. I want a written record to reveal this personal pain and struggle.

Oh, one more thing. These hoarder shows generally recommend some type of mental health therapy. I have been in therapy.  I have been in therapy longer than anyone in my family (even though every last one of them certainly needs if not needed it at some point). My second from the last therapist told me I was more "disorganized," than a hoarder, after showing her pictures of my house. Via my personal research, I believe I lean toward "hoarder tendencies." Regardless, my efforts to clean and organize are an emotional, psychological and physical struggle that I want to learn how to control. It has to go beyond the last therapists suggestion to throw out "one thing each day," but I'm not ready to knock down walls and remodel yet either.

But, I'll let you know how it goes! 😊