Reflections on Mother's Day

My mom & I had a close relationship. Maybe too close I say. Let's just put it this way, she wasn't too far from the current cover of Time magazine that is causing such a stir. I don't know her reasons behind why she did what she did. Maybe because I was the last child. Maybe it was because my father was physically and emotionally looking elsewhere. But I provided the unconditional love that she was probably lacking. She died a few years ago and the loss has taken its toll on me. Mother's Day has little if any meaning to me since her loss.

In looking back over the years since her death, I've gone from one failed encounter to the next. Each time, I had felt hopeful that I might get the unconditional love that I so craved and missed from my mother. Lately, however, as the time has passed, I've begun to take a serious look at my life and have begun to purge myself of people, men especially, who have zero if anything to offer me emotionally, spiritually, physically and yeah, I'm going to say it, financially. I'm all for female independence but when a man brings zero to the table, its a dealbreaker.

Its a day by day thing but I know I have to get over this hump, so to speak. I know that there is light at the end of this darkened tunnel. I just have to keep pushing till I get there. There are those days wherein I feel like Sisyphus, doomed to roll the same rock up the same hill again, and again. Yet, the human spirit coupled with God's spirit just won't let me quit. . . for that. . I am thankful.