I'mma Try Again-At least until I get it right!

Tomorrow will be June 20th. I'll be two days away from my mom's birth date. It was always my hope that she and I would hang out together for a much longer time. I didn't expect her to die at 76. Her mother and sisters did not live beyond their 40-50s, let alone almost reach 80. 

One thing that I know mom and I always had a goal of, was getting healthy. She and I both struggled unnecessarily with our weight for years. I can remember going to ERASE! while still in middle school. It was an acronym for Eat Right And Stay Slim! One of the employees of that weight loss program had a  daughter who went to my school. She knew all there was to know about the program but was terribly overweight. I mean, like, Eric Cartman overweight.

Mom and I also went to Weight Watchers and two different derivations of medical weight loss. Mom always had a new plan to try. We would lose for a while and then the weight would come back like the fat had gone on vacation but always knew it would return home. "Ya miss me girls??" No. We hate you and want you to die.  

Mom started going to one of the local exercise studios that I believe was associated with Richard Simmons. We always liked his flamboyant, "he's uh, you know," type of antics. Those aerobic classes were killers. Even low impact was meant to make you have just the slightest heart attack. One time, Mom was in a class working out and said she "stumbled worst than normal." Come to find out, our state had undergone an earthquake. So while she was marching in place or running around the place, the ground was shaking making her even more uncoordinated. . that day. 

Although she never wanted to try it, I took a few different weight loss pills. The best of them all, fen-phen. I never had the heart or nervous issues that many people had. I lost weight and I looked great. I ate a lot of boring food but who cares? I was slim! 

Prior to Mom dying, she and I were making plans to sell the house in which I currently live with my father, lose weight, get healthy, and move to Mexico to be ex-pats. She had few health issues or so I thought. She had to remain on blood thinners for life. I did not know this fact. Although we had the Internet in 08' I did not do a great deal of research on health-related issues. Not like I do now but I still sometimes miss something important like then.

Since I'm coming up on her birth date, I thought it would be good to stop and review where I am now and where I need to be. When Mom died in May 2008 and at that point, I was the largest I had ever been. I believe I was around 315. Quite the porker indeed! I was 38 and my doctors were pushing me to have cram o grams*. I thought, "why have them now when I'm supposed to wait until I was 40?" But I went along with it. I believe the testing began in 09" while I was still trying to find part-time work and go to school. I did not have regular, good insurance. I had the gubmint kind. I was on the State's welfare and their form of health insurance is all you got!

One day, I was out with an associate and we were just finishing our visit. I received a call from the doctor. Imagine a balding, tall, Middle Eastern man, "Hello, I'm sorry Miss. X, you have cancer," and hung up. This is what he says to me while I'm sitting in a car with a woman I thought was a friend but whom I'll now refer to as an "associate." Here's where I'm going with this, as a doctor, in spite of whatever bedside manner training you've had or cultural differences that we have, shouldn't you make sure I'm not, oh, I don't know, driving down a street or holding some glass or about to jump off of a bridge, prior to delivering bad news? He then calls again and says, "You have the pre-cursor to cancer." So which is it, Sherlock? I have cancer or I don't? But I digress, the cancer story can be a different blog.  

Anyway, I found a wacky, herbal practitioner in Canada. He said I should STOP all forms of SUGAR. He said sugar had the same chemical makeup as cocaine, the latter of which had helped many a starlet remain slim, but again, I digress. I emptied the house of everything even remotely tied to sugar. I began using xylitol because he said that was acceptable. No pasta, no bread, limit fruits, and really go organic-which for a person on welfare, isn't too practical. Does YOUR bodega sell organic apples too? 

I exercised daily. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday were dedicated to a Callan Pickney tape, and Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday were for the gym. I was constantly moving. I could run to my car. I participated in two walkathons. Strange side note to me, I did not date much during this time period. I was FOINE-very, terribly good-looking, confident, well dressed, still not gainfully employed full time but I was great. The weight went off like 4th of July rockets! 

Unfortunately, yeah, you knew that was coming, it s l o w l y came back. It often does, "Hiya bih! What have YOU been doing? Well, I'm baaack!" It began to slowly return. If my weight gain journey was a child, it would be 12 right now. So I say all of this to say, I know what it takes to lose the weight. I know what I should and should not eat. I know how to exercise. However, now that the weight has fully caught up to me, I'm suffering from a bad hip, a bad knee, and a bad ankle-botched toe job so currently, I can't make use of the local track at my former high school-yeah, I live in the same home that I did when I was seven years of age, and I'll make that a totally different blog-stay tuned.

All I can do is keep trying. I like to think of losing weight like trying to stop smoking or drinking. The difference is that you don't need cigarettes or alcohol to survive. You do, however, need both food and exercise to be able to not just lose but maintain a healthy lifestyle. I agree with the psychological aspect of weight loss in that you have to be mentally ready to work on yourself. For me, it does not matter who is trying to get me to lose or how much it'll cost-I've wasted soo soo soo much money. It does not matter if people try to embarrass you (Doctor Dipsh** who was mean to me when would I gain but wanted to high-five me when I lost) into losing weight or make you get angry about your health. There has to be an acceptance that there is a challenge AND that you WANT to make a change. The next step is knowing what you should eat, how much you should eat, AND how to prepare the food. In my mind, eating organic bananas or organic grapes is meaningless because I know that they have too much sugar period. It is about making tiny, little changes, like Callen used to say, "quarter of an inch motions," almost imperceptible. They all add up. 

You may say, "that sounds encouraging blogger but what about ALL of the stuff I need to work on?" First of all, thank you for responding to my blog. LOL. Here's the thing: you simply can't do "1000 things 1% better"-shoutout to an incompetent assistant manager for whom I used to work. My suggestion is to write down what you want to accomplish and why. Often the goal is less complicated than the how/objective.

I haven't blogged in a while. I've mostly been irately venting on the twit box. But, I'm back at zero and I will try again. Actually, according to Sensei Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try." My goals are achievable outcomes that I have reached before. My objectives are more specific and measurable. So let me go again:

Goals-lose weight, get healthy, decrease pain, move more, and wear my gorgeous clothes/shoes again.

Objectives-lose 2-3 pounds each week by doing a minimum of 20 minutes of daily exercise, weigh myself weekly, take pain meds to decrease the pain, and use arthritis rubs on affected parts, drink 6-8 cups of water daily, cook and consume low sodium fresh foods.

Next Blog-Oh, but this KITCHEN!

*A lovely little device wherein you put your boob on a nice, cold plate glass while some "technician"(does she even work here?) re-arranges it for you and then lowers a small car onto the overhead plate. You're told to "lean back" so that you'll feel the full effect of having your titties run over by a Mini Cooper.